I didn't sign up for this
by LeFay Strent
Summary: Lovino doesn't know how to deal with kids, especially ones outside his own species. Featuring wolf-Lovino and bunny-Antonio.


Lovino had a problem.

"Lovi?"

A small, frustrating problem.

"Lovi!"

Despite telling himself over and over again not to, Lovino finally stopped his angry march through the forest.

"How many times do I have to tell you? It's Lovino!" he growled without turning around. Like, he literally growled. He didn't have wolf ears and a tail for nothing. "If you're going to go around whining my name, at least get it right."

"Lovi!"

"Now you're just pissing me off."

"Loviiii _iiii_ iiii!"

"For fuck's sake, _what_?" he spat. He spun his heel around in the dead leaves to face the current bane of his existence.

Several yards back through the trees, a little bunny waved spastically to get his attention. The fuzzy annoyance couldn't have been more than two feet tall with long, chocolate ears that hung down half of his height. He looked pretty stupid with those appendages flapping around all the time. And don't get Lovino started on his big, green eyes that kept looking up at him like a retard, and how that button nose twitched when he grinned like a dope, or how that fluffy, bunny tail somehow wagged more than his did.

"Lovi! Help!" the child cried.

The damn thing must have brain damage because it kept following Lovino ever since he randomly came across it a couple of hours ago. The bunny had been alone by the river, merely sitting there until he spotted Lovino. Most prey ran _away_ from the big bad wolf, but what did this mush for brains do? He ran right after him. Uh, not that Lovino was the biggest wolf around. . . . But damn it, he was still a vicious, meat eating predator! . . . .okay, to be honest, he'd rather eat tomatoes than go hunting all over the freaking forest for some stupid squirrels and shit. Plus, the sight of blood kinda made him feel faint. But the point! The point was he was vicious and this brat _should not be following him around like he was his fucking babysitter!_

"Lovi!"

And Lovino really shouldn't be enabling him either. Every time his little foot got caught in a hole, or he couldn't make it over a large fallen tree like what hindered him now, Lovino would eventually tire of his whiny pleading and go back for him. Not to just help him though! To tell him what a little shit he was for ruining his life. Like Lovino could be taking a nap right now if it wasn't for him. Spend the afternoon dozing in peaceful isolation . . . all by himself . . . with no one who cared about him around for miles. Not that any existed in the first place. He had no pack, no friends. Not that he cared.

"Pwease, Lovi?"

"Fine!" Lovino yelled in exasperation. As he strode towards the child, he ranted about his frustrations. "Just keep calling half of my name for the whole damn forest to hear why don't you. Think I'm at your beck and call, huh? Whistle and I'll come running with my tail between my legs?"

Lovino plucked him up easily and sat him on the other side of the decaying log. The bunny stared up at him, head cocked to the side and those idiotic ears swaying like they wanted to be tugged on just a little.

Lovino scowled down at those guileless green eyes. "Well newsflash Cottontail, I'm nobody's pet. You can't tell me what to do. I could eat you right now if I wanted to. See? Look at these teeth. These are the canines of a ferocious hunter. I could gobble you up and use your bones for toothpicks. What do you think about that?"

The bunny peered up at him, and apparently finding something about his hypothetical death funny, giggled.

Lovino's scowl deepened.

"You'd probably give me indigestion anyway," he muttered, walking away.

What he wouldn't do to be home right now munching on a plump tomato. He shouldn't have wandered as far from his neck of the woods as he did today. Look at the trouble it caused him. He didn't want to deal with this bunny child tottering after him.

Wait, he wouldn't follow Lovino all the way back home, would he? What did he even want from him? He should run along and find some rabbits to eat grass with. Lovino wasn't a nurturer, didn't know how to deal with kids. What was he supposed to do with a dumb rabbit anyway? Maybe Lovino could convince him to leave.

Suddenly, Lovino felt something wrap around the end of his tail. It startled him so bad he nearly walked into a tree. He whipped his head around to glare at the culprit.

"Oi, that's my tail, not a tug toy!" Lovino shouted. "Let go."

"You walk too fast," the bunny pouted, for once not smiling. He looked pretty tired actually.

"So? That's not my problem. Just go home already. Sheesh."

"I don't have one."

"You . . . don't have one?"

"Uh-uh."

"Then where's . . . where's your uh, Mom? Yeah, go find her."

"I don't know. . . ." the bunny trailed off there. Staring at where he clutched the tip of Lovino's tail, those green eyes now started tearing up. Then the sniffling began. Next—and boy did Lovino know with horrific certainty what would come next—he would start wailing.

"Hey, don't cry stupid! If you cry then a lot of big, scary predators are going to come eat you," Lovino consoled him, or _tried_ rather. Seriously, he wasn't good at this nurturing crap.

Unlike earlier when he laughed at Lovino saying he could eat him, this only served to upset the child further. He started whimpering with hitched sobs. The sounds had Lovino's ears pricking back low on his head.

"Shit, um," Lovino stammered and looked around for anything that might help. Maybe he could try to feed him some grass? Rabbits loved eating that shit, right?

A small tug on his tail had Lovino glancing down again. Once he caught his attention, the bunny let go of him and held his arms up high. Lovino's breath caught at his imploring, watery gaze.

"I didn't sign up for this," Lovino denied, shaking his head as if that would make the situation go away.

Tiny fingers clenched around air. Fat drops started leaking out of his eyes now, and his bottom lip trembled as he sniffled.

Really, Lovino just wanted him to stop looking at him with that pathetic look on his face.

Swallowing, Lovino hesitantly reached out to pick him up. He'd just done it without a problem a minute ago, yeah, but now he brought the child up and held him to his chest. And the craziest part? He snuggled right into Lovino, pressed his tear-streaked face into his neck like it belonged there and everything. The bunny still sniffled and Lovino could feel droplets smearing at his skin. At least he wasn't bawling now.

After they both settled into this new arrangement, Lovino stood there rigidly not knowing what else to do. It was weird, trying to situate his hold on a child. He'd never really done this sort of thing before, ya know? One arm supported most of his weight and Lovino's other hand stayed frozen at his back. He could feel the boy's fragile body take in shuddering breaths, could feel the air gasp out at his collar, and he could feel those shaking hands grasp at him in a surprisingly strong hold. God knew why he hung on so tightly. Lovino still hadn't figured out why he followed him in the first place, let alone this.

"Don't leave me Lovi," the bunny cried gently against him. "Pwease?"

Something tightened in his chest, and for a moment, Lovino felt like he couldn't breathe.

Son of a bitch.

"I definitely didn't sign up for this," Lovino muttered, turning to resume his trek back to his home with his new companion wrapped securely in his arms.

* * *

 **Lovino strikes me as the sort of person who dislikes kids, but for whatever reason, kids absolutely love him. Some do grow on him, like a fungus, but he'd never admit it. But seeing him flounder about with little kids is one of the most hilarious things, and I'd love to read a story where Feliciano forces him to help run a daycare together. Can you imagine? Vargas Daycare, brought to you by the most incompetent pair of brothers, and it's a wonder why any parent would leave their children with them. But times are hard, parents are desperate, and everywhere else is too expensive. Feliciano would do arts and crafts with the kids, and then Lovino would just form his own mini mafia with them. "I'm your leader. You work for me, you die for me." The kids never take him seriously of course.**

 **...I was supposed to be talking about wolves and bunnies, not daycare. Anyway, I also love the idea of Lovino being a vegetarian wolf. I guess he raises Antonio, and Antonio grows up without realizing the distinction between predator and prey, and he ends up more brave and badass than any rabbit has a right to be, or so Lovino would say. Heaven help the poor predator who would mistake Antonio as his next meal.**

 **Thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated!**


End file.
